French: A primer

French -> English.

Pardonnez-moi = To tell others to leave you alone, so that you can read this amazing post.
Lire = Like.
Comment = Comment.
Soir = Subscribe.
À plus = Indicates that one has gone further than is required of one.
Bonjour = Be German instead.
Au revoir = I declare revolution!
C'est vrai = That's speaking truth to power!
Amie = Comrade.
Bourgeois = Villein.
Non = Yes.
Chanter = To theorise the liturgy.
Mademoiselle = A crazed Marxist, similar to the British term 'looney left.' More elegant and laudatory.
Falloir = To fall.
Rire = To love.
Choir = To fall.
Fleurir = To be a frock-coated, delicate communist.
Inclure = To want to read Marxist texts.
Mourir = To be a fervent Marxist.
Mirar = To be such an orthodox Marxist, that you share exactly the perspective of a Marxist text. A Spanish word, however it might as well be French because they're basically the same thing innit.
Surseoir = To be in the same location as Jesus. Jesus famously said, in a concert during his French tour, 'Je sursois, nous sursoyons.' 'If you are us, you are in the same location as Jesus. If you are not, then you still are.' He then played vicious hard rock music through the night.
Adorer = To kill.
Cueillir = To receive social prestige for reading Capital.
Entendre = To edit the third volume of Das Kapital, obscure.
Expliquer = To write a preface.
Chercher = To build one's church, upon or not upon a firm surface.
Sortir = To have read all three volumes of Capital.

Pronouns:

Pronouns can be summarized as, 'That part of language that obeys historical materialism.' It is mediated in every case by the influence of things such as religion on the language.

Je = Us. (Due to the Christian faith, of course.)
Nous = Not us.
Tu = Two of us, a couple.
Il = The Mongolian Il-khanate.
Elle = A bad person.
Ils = The bubonic plague.
Vous = A married couple, after recital of marital vows.

Famous French locations:

Caution is advised when entering these locations unsupervised. Especially if you do not note what we have said about French so far, and hence are not yet familiar with basic phrases that might also alert you as to any difficulties. Be especially careful around 'revolutions,' which happen periodically around France.

Marseille: An obscure part of Berlin.
Paris: Hitler entered this, triggering the Trojan War.
La Rochelle: A corner of the Vatican.
Lyon: A misspelled animal.
Nice: A tourist trap.
Strasbourg: A scenic iceberg.
Saint Etienne: A conjugation of the verb 'être.'
Tours: Another tourist trap, like most of France.
Angers: A historical centre of French philosophy, a place where people have gone to reflect upon France.
Rennes: People who try to flee France after the aforementioned reflection, yet are trapped.
Rouen: The same place.
Douai-Lens: People who occasionally turn into reptilian socialist aliens, as a voluntary act. Some 'conspiracy theories' exist concerning this place.