Capitalistic Education

A government-sponsored curriculum for a subject called 'Capital in the Home' is already making rounds. Justine Greening has reportedly given her blessing, saying, "Of course, the government should be taken as enlightened preachers in matters of capital's esteem in the household. We believe we will give people an accurate and tolerant evaluation of capital and the capitalist system." However, the move for government guidance of the household has been decried by some, notably among the radical left. Many supporters of Jeremy Corbyn have also been stirred into an out-cry against this, with one Corbynite saying, "We can't allow the Tories this kind of liberty, nor most Labour MPs. But if the government wants to be involved in such things, it seems suspect to denounce us as overly 'radical' for increasing our scrutiny." However, Owen Jones among others seem to be enthusiastic about the decision, saying, "It's about time the Tories started to focus on the younger generation of conservatives, hence guaranteeing further MPs for both Labour and Conservative Parties. It really is awfully generous of them, and an impressive bipartisan decision."

Aspects of the curriculum which have been criticised include tasks such as posters listing the virtues of a given capitalist and set-pieces where students have to act as a family and organise their homes in order to best accord with their high respect for capital. One activist has snidely remarked, "These portrayals are like pornography of capital." Another has said that the government seem to be attempting to respond to pressures against capitalism by normalising it in the conduct of children. Corbyn has not yet given feed-back, but is expected to say on PMQs, "We cannot attempt to make the rigged economic system a part of children's education. It is clear, hypocritical government subterfuge. This is how we will be remembered."

Meanwhile in Scotland, Trumpeon has not commented much on the issue, but has at least stated on his controversial Twitter feed, "They gonna teach that I'm Hitler too? #Britain." This was followed up with, "Any Scottish authors caught helping them to be sent to St. Andrew's and shot, this time. Or burnt at stake. #DegenerateArt" It is said that this post was only slightly facetious.